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Candy Cake

I am a strange guy, with strange taste. Everyone who knows me knows this is the case. I have odd taste in clothing, music, and entertainment. But perhaps the most vexing of all my peccadilloes is my penchant for crap candy and my attendant dislike of most quality desserts.

I don’t like chocolate, I don’t like cake, and I hate cookies.

I love Skittles, Ju-ju-bees, Starburst fruit chews, Clark Teaberry gum, FruitStripe gum, and Necco Wafers—especially the white ones, the ones that taste like anise. I like anise candy.

This has confounded my wife, friends, family and co-workers for centuries. But today, my boss could stand it no more. Every time a birthday rolls around at my office, we go out for lunch, and the birthday person is greeted back at the office sometime that afternoon with a big chocolate monstrosity with chocolate filling and chocolate icing, served on chocolate plates with chocolate utensils. Chocolate is misted into the air in a subtle coccoa/water blend with a commercial sprayer. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate.

But every April Fool’s Day, there is no joy in Chocolateville. On my birthday (yes, April Fool’s Day is my birthday and I’ve already heard all the lame jokes), I demand that we go to Duke’s for calamari and blazing hot sauce, and then get back to work already. But as I said, my boss just couldn’t shake that habit of post lunch sweets, and so he set about planning another one of his elaborate schemes. This time he outdid himself. He concocted a sugary monstrosity that I just had to love—and I did.

My co-workers called me over to the lunch table to reveal a candy cake. A candy cake, so help me god. Ringed with jellied fruit slices, it was filled with a mixture of Sour Patch Kids, Skittles, and two brands of jelly beans, in various flavors. It was topped with brilliant red gum drops that bore an uncanny resemblance to a rope of that icing crap most poeple like on their chocolate cakes. The cake presentation tray was topped off with an artful splashing of gummy worms, which this author feels really made the dish. Indeed; the gummy worms were so delightful that this author was already gnawing on one before “Happy Birthday” was completed, and he may have spit a little on the “cake” while blowing out the candles.

My birthday is over, but I am still very much blown away by this presentation, and the thought and effort that went into it. Thanks Richard, and to the gang at RDG.