Today, a co-worker shared some of his recordings from when he was in a band. They had toured for a couple years, playing mostly in the Atlanta area, and were reasonably competent. A discussion arose regarding band names; I may have possibly brought it up.

You see, I have some really solid names for bands, and it pisses me off that I lack the musical talent, connections and material to plug into a band name. And tonight, I hit on the greatest album name ever, so now I’m really feeling down.

Lemme start with the band name: There are a few towns in New Jersey all ending with “Amboy”, such as South Amboy, and Perth Amboy. When you drive through central New Jersey, you can easily come across a highway exit sign or two with destination references to, simply, “The Amboys”.

The Amboys. Perhaps the Greatest Band Name Ever. Done.

This easily eclipses my alternate band name of “Best Before”, which I feel is a witty play on the bread expiry dates found on those little plastic things you clip on bread loaves to stave off staleness. I always held these two band names on equal footing until today. For today, I was listening to NPR and heard a phrase that could only be the title for The Amboys’ much-awaited second album: “Happy Zacarias”. (The Amboys’ first album would of course be eponoymously titled.)

The Amboys, Happy Zacarias. I’m totally seeing this as a hot download on the iTunes Music Store, aren’t you?

So how’d the title come about? Well, the radio was talking about Zacarias Moussaoui’s trial and how his defense lawyers (just when you thought Johnnie C was a piece of shit) were arguing that his childhood was a happy one, and the term “happy Zacarias” was floated out there. I thought it was pure brilliance, and was immediately delighted to have secured the second album title for my non-existent band’s follow-up to my non-existent band’s non-existent and eponoymously-titled first album. So, if I ever progress beyond barre chords and actually write a few tunes, you can bet that they will be unleashed on an unassuming public by The Amboys, with our best work appearing on “Happy Zacarias”.

Our later releases will likely suck, but I will still get interviews in Rolling Stone because of my personality, bitches.

Our beloved cat Emma has had a bout with celebrity of late, appearing in the latest issue of Delicious Living Magazine. Emma was one of two test subjects for an organic pet treats article for the mag. My buddy Lauren occasionaly freelances for this magazine, and while their dog Begbie was more than ready for the challenge on the dog treat side, Lauren needed another tester for the feline side. Enter Emma. (Lauren and her boyfriend Bill were both roommates of mine while in college at various times, have lived out here in Boulder for six years or so, and were great tour guides when Brenda & I were here last May for my job interview.)

The very scientific test period occurred a couple months ago, and I compiled reams of data, none of which added up to much, really. But each day I dilligently placed one of each treat on the floor, and noted in which order Emma gobbled them up. And here’s the thing: I placed the treats in a random order each time! This, I was convinced, bordered on sheer statistical brilliance. Emma didn’t really seem to care one way or the other. She got her dope, three servings a day, in fact. After the test period was over, I compiled the voluminous data into a spreadsheet for analysis:

As you can see, the Greenies were the clear favorite, but then again maybe Emma’s just partial to the color. In the end, Greenies suffered a bad rap of late and Emma loved the fish flakes that come in a variety of formats anyway(hint: you can skip the pet store and just go to any supermarket with a decent international foods section and buy the dried bonito flakes). Lauren hammered out a series of descriptions that pretty much told the story on Emma’s gravitation to the various snacks, revised to omit the Greenies since they have come under fire of late. But really, the main thing is to just look at Emma’s very photogenic mug. Here’s the article:

If you’re in Whole Foods or one of the other supermarkets that offer this free publication, snap up the April issue to see Emma and Begbie in all their glory.