Vegas
Vegas baby, Vegas. Been there, done that.
My 38 year-long streak of never having visited Las Vegas has come to an end, as I just got back from spending three days in that pit of depravity. Lightfair, the architectural lighting community’s annual trade show and convention, alternates between New York City and Las Vegas for its host cities and this year it was once again being held in Vegas. I generally made the New York shows, but now that I call Boulder home, the desert location makes more sense. We were lucky enough at work to get funding for the entire daylighting team – all four of us – to go, so off we went to Vegas.
My review: eh.
The trade show was great, a chance to meet new people and see old friends, see new products and learn new things. But the town itself was sort of a mixed bag. Las Vegas has never been a place that interested me; I’m a very competitive person, and hate to lose. When you throw money into that mixture, you have a recipe for disaster with me. Losing sucks, and losing money sucks even more. Growing up watching my family play cards and play them exceedingly well only made me withdraw from these games of chance and skill, feeling that I’d never be as good as they were. Furthermore, I’m in a committed relationship with my wife. So a town in the desert whose only redeeming features are illicit sex and gambling just never seemed to make sense for me. I’m funny like that.
With expectations already low, Vegas still managed to disappoint upon arrival. I was staying at the Las Vegas Hilton, which I’m pleased to tell you is a friggin’ dump. Interested in taking in the city (and getting out of my shitty room), I walked down to the strip and then down about halfway, and was struck by its resemblance to Wildwood, NJ – essentially a carnival atmosphere loaded with simpletons oohing and ahhing over all the fancy lights.
As an added bonus, the other end of the strip, with its newer and more extravagant hotels, has that sickening aura of Disneyland; that “we can build our own Paris, because we are rich, and you can just enjoy yourself here at Paris-in-the-desert rather than bothering with those rude French people” type of feel.
One evening, as I stood on the Strip talking to Brenda on the phone, I was treated to a water show in front of the Bellagio featuring forty foot geysers of water blasting into the sky, dramatically lighted, with Toby Kieth’s Lee greenwood’s “Proud to be an American” booming through an amazingly high fidelity sound system. Just as I was choking back the vomit from that whole scene, a truck motored by with a giant advertisement on the back. The ad was essentially a large picture of a whore wearing a black leather bikini lying on a white background in a suggestive pose, with the simple headline “HOT BABES”, and a phone number. As this scene unfolded before me, entire families with kids in the 8-12 age bracket waddled past, taking it all in with smiles on their faces. Proud to be an American, my ass.
One day, returning to the hotel after a day at the conference, I entered the hotel at the opposite end from the lobby (which left about a mile to walk before I actually reached the lobby). On my way through the maze of cavernous corridors and meeting halls, I encountered a herd of old zombies shuffling out of a huge room. The banner over the door read “$100,000 blackjack tournament”, and judging from the looks on those people’s faces, the winner was not present in that crowd. Mingling in with the old folks, I was hit with the aroma of farts and Old Spice. It was a memorable moment.
It wasn’t all bad, though. I returned to the craps tables, after my last and only other casino visit (Atlantic City, with my dad, in 1998 or so), and walked out a winner. Not big, but shit, I won. After dropping $80 the first night and $60 the second night, I had a couple hours before my last seminar on Wednesday, and plopped $40 on the table. An hour and a half later, after standing shoulder to shoulder with high rollers who the dealers knew by name, and after being called a “gunner” by one of these same high rollers for making so many points, I was running for my seminar, with my pockets full of chips. After the seminar, I went back to get my bags. With 15 minutes to spare, I placed a couple more bets, backing my pass line bets with odds bets, and cashed out with more money than I started with when I got to that place. Yeah!
My main regret is not purchasing one of the “Barry Fanilow” t-shirts that were for sale in the lobby gift store (apparently Mr. Manilow calls the Las Vegas Hilton “home” in Vegas, which should help my case about the place being a real past-prime dump).
I’ll definitely go back to Fake City, because Brenda still wants to check it out, and because now I have some money I can lose. It’ll certainly be fun to gamble with Brenda, and maybe we’ll take in a show or whatever. But I fail to see the magnetic draw that that place holds for so many people on this planet. It’s a toilet and a real sucker magnet, you ask me.
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16 comments
Commie hippie!
Thanks for the low-down on Las Vegas… I’ve never been there either. :)
P.S. THAT’S where you guys were!!
Quite glad we didn’t go to Lightfair this year. Never really fancied Vegas anyway and you can’t beat New York for a few nights on the sauce.
Maybe you’ll have a better time in Leicester for the Radiance conference…;-) (Although I wouldn’t count on it)
C’mon Perry, you tellin’ me you love Vegas? I know my opinion of the place doesn’t exactly jive with most of my family’s, either. What can I tell ya.
Oops Amy, guess we never told ya where we were headed, huh.
Dan, I hope like hell I get to go to Leicester; it’s looking like one or two of us may go, but exactly who remains up in the air.
“C’mon Perry, you tellin’ me you love Vegas?”
I’ve never been. I just like calling anyone who questions anything distinctly American a commie hippie. Additionally, you hit the bonus bell by mentioning Toby Kieth so I’ll say it again:
Commie hippie
;-)
Proud to be an American is by Lee Greenwood last time I checked. Toby Keith does the ever so much more jingoistic “Courtesy Of The Red, White And Blue (The Angry American)” ;-)
OK, Proud To Be An American, is sung by Lee Greenwood and the title is God Bless the USA. Toby Keith sings the obnoxious,”Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” which some refer to as the Boot in the Ass song.
I prefer to remember the fountains at The Bellagio in the scene from Oceans Eleven (the remake) where it was set against Clair de Lune.
And Brenda might like looking at them from a room at The Paris. (Yes, I know it’s fake Paris.) However, we stayed there and the accomodations were great.
Go back and see Hoover Dam. It’s well worth the trip.
Lee Greenwood it is. I have dutifully edited the post text to reflect the error correction. They’re both a couple of morons, you ask me.
Yeah, most of my co-workers stayed at the Paris. I couldn’t get a room there at the show rate by the time I booked my arrangements, unfortunately. I saw the lobby and the casino and it is indeed much nicer than the Hilton, but fake as Disneyland. Not sure what’s worse, fake clean or real dirty. Hmmm…
What’s really bad is that Lee Greenwood actually recorded a version of his song called “God Bless Canada.” Now that REALLY sucks!
I’m with you, Rob. Vegas is a total hole. Susan and I went once a few years back and we left quite comfortable with the idea of never going back.
Would love a “Barry Fanilow” shirt, though…
Red Rocks – the key to enjoying Vegas. If you go back with Brenda, GO TO REDROCKS
!
I don’t get it. What do you expect to see in Vegas? It’s concrete, neon, and heat. People go there to gamble, have indescriminant sex, and become intoxicated. It’s gaudy, plastic, and unreal. If you want something beautiful to look at, go to the Grand Canyon.
So why are families taking their kids there? Vegas is the perfect example of what is wrong with this country. They go because everyone else is going; mindless sheep depositing their hard-earned money at these casinos while new ones are built all the time in the middle of the desert even though it’s an insane waste of resources.
Sorry Tim, I’m not buying your sales pitch. The place is a scumhole, just like Atlantic City. It doesn’t have to be beautiful to look at, but it shouldn’t be so disgusting to think about.
What sales pitch? Wasn’t trying to pitch Vegas at all Rob. If anything, I think places like Vegas and Atlantic City should be condemned.
Speaking of Barry Manilow, I saw on CMT today that parking garages in Australia wants to use his music to keep people from loitering in the structures.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060605/od_nm/australia_manilow1_dc_1
Love the Santa Cafe. And the Inn at the Alameda is gorgeous. Glad you guys got to enjoy some time in Santa Fe. Tony and I (and the kids) are probably coming back out in December over the holidays. Maybe we’ll see you then?
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