This Guy Goes in First
There’s an old joke that goes like this:
Q: What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?A: A good start.
And this schmuck is why that joke exists:
Read: Tearful Testimony in $54 Million Pants Lawsuit
The guy wants $54M for a pair of lost pants, and he’s so upset about it that he broke down in tears as he questioned himself on the stand about his ordeal. Yes, you read that correctly. You have to love the author of the news story; clearly he was having a ball with this one. Best line: “The business owners claim they have his pants, but he’s pressing ahead with his suit.” Ba-dum, PISH!
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What do you have when you have 1000 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.
Thanks guys, keep ‘em coming! I believe there approximately one million dead lawyer jokes; a good start.
What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
they get taller.
Last one…
Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersy have the most
toxic waste sites?
New Jersey got to choose.
How many contract attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer”, and the part of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb”, do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just outside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not reuired by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part (“Receptacle”), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part (“New Light Bulb”). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures hereinbefore described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also be non-negotiable.NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer) by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as “Partnership.”
And yet people continue to ask me, “How come you aren’t a Paralegal anymore?” Hm… might it have something to do with how much it sucked working for / with Attorneys?
amazing story. Thanks Rob.
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