Best Cruiser Ever
I must have one of these! The Ellsworth “The Ride” is the coolest cruiser bike ever, and I am now accepting donations towards the purchase of one of these bad boys. And I promise to ride it around Boulder and not be an elitist asshole like the local “Boulder Cruiser Bikeride” jerkoffs who have taken their little (formerly large) ride underground (sort-of) and excluded all people who show up on non-cruiser bikes or not in costume (and, let’s face it, costumes are, like, totally stupid, even on Halloween).
I realize I have not given sufficient back story on the Boulder Cruiser Ride, but I guess those assholes never gave me enough good times to do so. And now you have to have a cruiser and a costume to be allowed into their little drum circle, so I guess I’ll never get enough material to fill you in. Suffice to say, the Boulder Cruiser Ride has become another bad example of Boulder Elitism, and I now live to hurl insults at the entire rolling jerkoff assemblage. (They’re not all bad, as it turns out.)
Meanwhile, I am still accepting donations for an Ellsworth “The Ride” cruiser, so I can cruise in non-pretentious glee.
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19 comments
Check it out:
http://www.bikeforest.com/homebuild15.php
You know why they took the cruiser ride underground right? 2/3rds of the people showing up were drunk and high, running red lights, ignoring all road rules, and generally wrecking havoc on the town. They cruiser leaders tried to get it under control, but when the cruisers can’t understand you because they are too drunk or wasted to see straight, you’ve got a recipe for disaster. They took the cruiser ride underground to avoid the police outright banning it (which they threatened to do).
I’m aware of all the gory details. My beef with them is that they are now excluding anyone who doesn’t have a cruiser bike. I used to go, and yeah I’d be a little buzzed, but I would obey the rules of the road and I never crashed. But that’s not good enough for them. You have to have a cruiser bike and wear a costume to play their little reindeer games, which I think smacks of elitism. They want everyone in town to look at them and think how zany and nutty they are, but god forbid anyone want to crash their party and commit the grave sin of not owning a cruiser! Yeah, that’s really laid back, guys. They take themselves way too seriously, especially for an outfit that purports to be wild and loose.
So now they have their little clique ride back, and they can keep it as far as I’m concerned.
Seems like you’re the one with the attitude. That Ellsworth cruiser is like $3k isn’t it?
If that isn’t an elite bike I don’t know what is. FWIW..we don’t exclude non-cruiser bikes as most of us
started without one ourselves. We didn’t show up and expect to be entertained though. What did you do to make the ride better for everyone? Or was it just not $1 pints at the Sundowner that night and you had nothing better to do? I’ve never known any of the cruisers to not welcome an
anyone with a good attitude. We’re a pretty accepting bunch in general. Think of it
this way. If you were having a party at your house and a bunch of assholes
came by and trashed all your stuff and stole your beer would you just
let them do it?
I show up on the cruiser ride on a townie and no one has given me any shit. People have been coming up to me and introducing themselves and making me feel welcome. I don’t dress up in any costumes or ride a cool bike. What I gather is that if you’re friendly and not an asshole, you’re welcome on the ride.
I have read several of your posts on their messageboard and your blog and you come off being really negative. Why do you waste your time writing about the cruiser ride anyways?
The funny thing about you wanting one of Ellsworth’s new cruiser bikes is that it was actually designed by a Boulder Cruiser. No joke. Talk about ironic.
Have a nice day!
Lights are required.
Costumes, not required, but strongly encouraged.
Having a cruiser is not required, but strongly encouraged, and decorating your non-cruiser bikes is very strongly encouraged.
Lights are required. Sorry. It’s the law.
And, yes, fine, taking it “underground” was “Elitist”. Basically, we were sick and tired of pretending to be traffic cops for 700 drunken high-schoolers out of a desire to not have the cops shut us down. I rode the cruise back when they first tried to shut us down, and saw how the cops treat us when they want you to go away. We started doing the “Ride Ranger” thing, but who wants to do that job? We’re sick of being babysitters, so we went back to having a bike ride with our friends, which is what the ride is supposed to be about.
Go have your own ride with your own friends. We are in no way required to organize and run your ride for you, just because we have been on the ride a long time.
The original cruiser ride of Boulder, which started many years ago, was started with the premise that it was to “cruise” on your “cruiser bike”, not your mountain bike or road bike. That was the whole point.
Costumes are not a requirement, nor is it about being “wild and loose” but posessing some kind of originality, sense of humor, finesse, and kindness are. Again.. this is what sets the ride apart, and makes it an event, not just people riding their bikes around.
While it is not a “grave sin” to not own a “cruiser”, it is a necessity to ride one on this particular ride. If you can’t deal with that, this does not make us a part of any “elitist” anything. (hardly) We may think differently than you about a lot of things, and guess what?
That is what makes the world go ‘round. So, relax, be nice, and enjoy life!
We all know why this blogger wastes his time ranting about the Cruiser Ride…because he wishes he could be a part of it. I am truly sorry he feels excluded. But it is extremely junior high-like to try and insult the group by whom you feel shunned. However, he has no understanding of why some of the organizers of the Ride have made the decision to take the it underground. If we were as uncool as he paints us to be, shouldn’t he be happy just quietly going off and doing his own thing? Instead he has to jerk off all over his own keyboard about how terrible we are. He is wrong about the Cruisers. We accept those who have a positive attitude and lights. Cruiser bikes and costumes are encouraged, but with this blogger’s attitude, none of the aforementioned items would gain him a ticket to the ride. Either go pout on your own, start your own ride, or swallow your pride, come meet with us, and find out what we’re looking for in a Cruiser and why we’re looking for it.
Chill out, peeps. It’s just a bike ride.
This all started when a certain self-appointed ride captain suggested you all start excluding people who show up on non-cruiser bikes and not in costume. I replied on the list saying this was elitist, and a number of the so-called chilled out and groovy cruisers slammed me on the list for saying so (you can all go look this up.) Then I appealed to the self-appointed ride captain off-list, and calmly explained my side once again (that I agreed you needed to thin the herd, but that excluding people who don’t have the right bike ain’t the way), and I never got a response. So I took that to mean “fuck you, and your un-cool, non-cruiser bike”.
And so I said fuck the ride, and I guess I said so on my silly little website too. And now I guess one of the cruisers found my little post and are feeling upset about it. Weah. Again, it’s just a bike ride.
It’s a cool bike ride, one I’ve ridden several times last year (and with lights, get of the light thing for christ’s sake, I had fuckin’ lights on my freakin’ bike) and I was seriously bummed when this new attitude was adopted. I also will say again that I understand SOMETHING had to be done because of the out of control ride numbers and drunken-no-light-havin’ masses that were showing up.
You all say cruisers and costumes are not required. That’s great news. But that was not the impression I got from the list bigwigs when the whole ride went underground.
Oh, and I’ll pout whenever I damned well please. I think that’s one of the best reasons to have a website in the first place.
Funny how so many people want to hang out with such a bunch of ‘elitist assholes’ as you put it.
Also funny how you can’t write a piece on a cruiser bike w/out using 3/4 of the piece to lament about a group of people you obviously don’t know enough about to comment on in the first place.
I was a member of the cruiser list for over a year and I rode on the ride several times. Read my comments again, you will see I was reacting to the group, not making this stuff up.
Yeah the piece was kind of a springboard for a rant. Get over it.
I so want one in Vador Black. Will you toss me any leftovers when you get yours?
RPG,
Just another case of perception is reality? That selfapointed so call ride commander (posting as ‘peaceloveburn’ here????) speaks for very few regular cruzers. many good long-time cruisers have quit the ride because of his numskull actions. He’s vocal but badly mistaken. Just ignore that self involved gasbag like everyone else. There is no cruizer bike or costume requirement. Nobody is really behind that idea. people have been comming to the ride on road and mountain bikes for years and it was never a problem worth mentioning in all that time. they’ve been comming and still come to cruze drunk and stoned it isn’t a problem unless there is some ‘they’ doing it that some ‘we’ doesn’t like. Its funny that all the big bad problems that the drama queens whine about all the time are created by them or thier friends. You’d be welcomed so long as you where there to have a fun chill ride, same as bob.
Peace
Holy cow. RPG, looks like your blog got to the cruiser police and they are not happy (all posts yesterday around 7pm). I’m down with PeachyKeen here. I like the cruiser ride. I had a good time every week I rode it. Most others felt the same way, however it looks like the “leaders” of the ride sure have their power trip in order.
I’d have thought the flower-power cruisers would have taken more of a 60’s-peace response instead of coming at you with a knife. I think the true colors are coming out and they sure look bloody red. (I hope I don’t get jumped tonight for these comments)
I see that from an outsider’s (and some insiders’) perspective it appears that the cruisers have become the epitomy of Boulder elitism. The “ending” of the cruiser ride met their needs of ridding of the bad eggs but, unfortunately, many of the “cool” people they wish to hold on to have been lost. Fortunately by consequence, Thursdays have now become Thursday Boulder Bike Night. If you cruise around Boulder on Thursday nights you will find 5-10 smaller cruiser factions riding bikes of all kinds shouting, “Happy Thursday”. So the core group may have isolated themselves but cruiser spirit continues on Thursday nights. And Bob is right. Your Ellsworth Cruiser was designed by a local (ex)cruiser (Steve-z.com)
YHOMTB…you are correct. It is a shame that those that “get it” are being excluded. That was never the intent. I’m sure it’ll all work out eventually. Unfortunately the small element of “bad eggs” ruined the ride experience for many of us and something drastic had to be done or the ride as we know it would have been over soon. Believe me—we tried to educate and accomodate them, but some people are just assholes that don’t get it I guess—they just want to hang with their small group of friends and cause trouble for the rest of us. Rob G sounds like a good guy overall, but I don’t really think he sees the extent of the problem the group faced.
Hey glad you like my cruiser. I’m hoping to get one myself, but Ellsworth is a ‘funny’ company. Enough said on that.
As far as the Cruiser ride goes, there are many ways to point fingers and lay blame and call names. There is a lot of shit that has gone wrong, but there have also been a lot of good times. The thing to focus on now is how to move forward.
The problems with the cruise are 1) that it got to big to fit in one intersection at one time and 2) that it began to attract people with the ‘drunken mob mentality’.
We need a change of thinking. We need to promote Boulder Cruiser Night. Everyone cruising around town in groups of 5 to 50, hitting all the hot spots. Between Scott Carpenter and Eben G Fine on the creek path. Between downtown and North boulder Park on 13th. Parking Garages. Everyone cruising around wherever they want, with whoever they want. Groups come together and split apart. No one can complain that the Ride isn’t going the way they want, too fast, too slow, too many stops too little stops, because it is THEIR CRUISE. Cruise wherever you want and have fun. Boulder can handle thousands of cruisers every thursday as long as everyone doesn’t have to be in the same place at the same time.
Love this post… and all that went along with it. Entertaining read…
Jeez guys, I only drop in here from time to time because Rob writes good stuff about flying. What the hell’s a cruise anyway?
Hey Rob! Go soaring and write about that. I bet it will leave a better taste in your mouth.
Keep smilin’
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