/ cycling

Best Cruiser Ever

I must have one of these! The Ellsworth "The Ride" is the coolest cruiser bike ever, and I am now accepting donations towards the purchase of one of these bad boys. And I promise to ride it around Boulder and not be an elitist asshole like the local "Boulder Cruiser Bikeride" jerkoffs who have taken their little (formerly large) ride underground (sort-of) and excluded all people who show up on non-cruiser bikes or not in costume (and, let's face it, costumes are, like, totally stupid, even on Halloween).

I realize I have not given sufficient back story on the Boulder Cruiser Ride, but I guess those assholes never gave me enough good times to do so. And now you have to have a cruiser and a costume to be allowed into their little drum circle, so I guess I'll never get enough material to fill you in. Suffice to say, the Boulder Cruiser Ride has become another bad example of Boulder Elitism, -and I now live to hurl insults at the entire rolling jerkoff assemblage-. (They're not all bad, as it turns out.)

Meanwhile, I am still accepting donations for an Ellsworth "The Ride" cruiser, so I can cruise in non-pretentious glee.