Let’s Talk About Team Building
You wanna know the secret to happiness? You ready? Meeting avoidance. Especially the ones with a million people in a small stuffy room, featuring some smiling idiot waving his arms around and acting like personal insight and self-reflection is some kind of new fucking concept.
I was unsuccessful at avoiding one of these types of meetings today, and I still have a headache.
What the hell is this crap, this “team building” bullshit?! It’s a colossal waste of time and money, time and money that will be bickered about at the end of the project when there is no budget left to get some actual work done. I spent four hours (FOUR HOURS!!) of my life today listening to some midget wearing a watch the size of a manhole cover talk about team building, ownership, frameworks, expectations (and of course expectation management), communication, trust, etc. A bunch of Type-As in the room pretending to get in touch with themselves and to make love to The Project. Bullshit.
Then you throw a few architects into the mix and you start talking about “expressions” and “gestures”, and hear “vis a vis” more than once, and listen to entire monologues that say absolutely nothing. More Bullshit.
Good god, I hate this shit.
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LOL. Frustrating for you but funny for us looking in. Best part:
I spent four hours (FOUR HOURS!!) of my life today listening to some midget wearing a watch the size of a manhole cover talk about team building, ownership, frameworks, expectations (and of course expectation management), communication, trust, etc.
So true, so true! If I hear one more over-educated asshole of a manager say that he/she will need a CRISP action plan before implemention can be realized, I swear I’m gonna be in the bell tower with more ordnance than the 82nd Airborne. What happens to these bottom feeding cretins that makes the come to actually believe their bullshit? At least “vis a vis” hasn’t migrated to my company (but I’m sure it’s on its way….).
It’s been 10 years since I had to listen to corporate bullshit and back then the only phrase I heard all the time was “game plan”.......
Oh mom, now we have synergy and paradigm shifts. It’s all kinds of horrible. The worst part is that these terms used to actually mean something.
Rob, kudo’s to you for thinking outside the box. It’s time that someone in the loop did some push back on a this. Good job.
Cheers,
Rori
Just remember this….
Team progress—which is extensible—is going to have to be best-of-class because partnerships fast-track legacy focus. Headcount readjustments raise a flag over empowerment. Proactive workgroups impact a skill set, so a 90% solution closes the loop on the issue of signage. Truly we must. A task-driven deliverable boldly raises a flag over the transition phase. The benefit steps up to the challenge of the growth years. An emerging big win (according to the latest polls) eventually rides the wave of revenue. We feel that scenarios will enable solutions-oriented deliverables.
Oh my god you guys, that’s quite a lot of corporate-speak! Thanks for the laughs!
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