Posts from — January 2010

Flying home I pulled up some Colin Hay on the iPhone. What am I, an idiot? I was just asking for trouble. I stared at Kansas through weepy eyes; the upshot is that I ended up finding Lena’s song.

Listen to it here. Lyrics below:

WAITING FOR MY REAL LIFE TO BEGIN

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
I’ll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down down down, on me

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don’t you understand
I already have a plan
I’m waiting for my real life to begin

When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I’m walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I’m waiting for my real life to begin

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
And I’ll check my machine, there’s sure to be that call
It’s gonna happen soon, soon, soon
It’s just that times are lean

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine in
Don’t you understand
I already have a plan
I’m waiting for my real life to begin

Good morning. First off, I would like to thank all of you who cared for Lena in these final weeks. Your service is the stuff of sainthood, and I thank you all: family, friends, social and hospice workers, nurses, all of you. Thank you. Second, I am honored, truly honored, to speak here about Lena. Thank you again.

Lena’s obituary (thank you Barbara) had one sentence fragment in it that said so much: “she gave more than she received”. Indeed. And that, in a nutshell, is why this is all so hard.

She was known by many names: Lee, Lena, to many; Grandma, Nana to some; Mom, to a select few.

To me, she was Grandma. Lena was my grandma, and she personified that title like no other. She was doting, pinching, loving, proud, and always happy to see you. And this is, after all, what Grandmas do. But when you look back across her life, at all the people, all the kids, the grandkids, the husband (oh, the husband!), the friends, the strangers, all the people she touched, you get a picture of a woman who, as it’s been said, gave more than she received.

And this was Lena.

1969 McGraw Avenue. I would walk off the Otis elevator on the seventh floor and press the mechanical doorbell. On the other side was Grandma. The door would open and she would welcome you in with open arms and a big smile as if you had just returned from war. And she would have whatever food she thought you might eat.

She was always trying to get me to eat, to eat something (anything!). As a kid I was thin as a rail and it bothered Lee to see me in such a state. Clearly, this wouldn’t do. And on one fine day, while visiting Lee & Otto, I voluntarily ate a banana from the bowl of fruit Grandma had out on the table. I couldn’t have been more than eight years old at the time. Grandma noted this event and was prepared for my next visit, because the next time we paid a visit to that apartment in Parkchester, we rang the doorbell, the door flew open, and Grandma exclaimed (rather loudly): “I”ve got bananas for my Robbie!” She wasn”t kidding, either; there was an entire bushel of bananas spilling out of that bowl.

This was, what, over thirty years ago? I’ll never, ever forget this.

And that was Lena. She wanted to know what you liked so she could make you happy. You could see the joy on her face when she would serve you something, and especially when you ate it. Better yet, you asked for seconds, but you generally didn’t have to ask.

But it’s not just about the food.

Lena had an infectious smile, and a laugh, and a belch that could fill a room. She was, belching aside, a classy woman. And she had heart.

There’s the old saying, “when life hands you lemons, make lemonade”. And so we talk about making lemonade out of lemons, well Lena was drowning in the stuff. Anyone else would say “marone, I’m drowning here”, but Lena would say “let me fix you a nice glass of lemonade”.

She had a good run; 86 years is a long time with Saint Peter much less Saint Otto, and she played her hand on this earth with style and grace and humor and humility.

That we all could do it so well.

Good night, sweet Lena. Rest easy; we love you lots.

I still seem to be unable to talk about this, so here’s the obituary, as I prepare to head back east.

Lena GUGLIELMETTI (Mezzetti)

GUGLIELMETTI Lena (nee Mezzetti), 86, formerly of NYC, Lakewood, and Westwood, NJ died on January 21, 2010 in the warm embrace of her family and friends. Predeceased by her husband Ottavio of 61 years, her beloved son Philip, and her sister, Mary Varvi. Survived by her loving daughters Emilie Morse and Maria Dina Giombarrese, cherished son-in-law John Giombarrese, all of Westwood, NJ and brother Bruno (Gloria) Mezzetti. Beloved grandmother of Christina (Bob) McNamara, Rob (Brenda King), and Andrea Guglielmetti, and Gregory and Douglas Giombarrese. Great-grandmother of Jordan Guglielmetti. Retired from Blue Cross Blue Shield of NY after 35 years of service. A gracious hostess and an excellent cook, Lee’s home and heart were always open to family, friends, and neighbors. She was devoted to her family, which was blessed by her unwavering devotion and kindness. She gave more than she received and we are heartbroken by our loss. The family will receive their relatives and friends at Becker Funeral Home, 219 Kinderkamack Road, Westwood, NJ on Saturday, January 23rd, from 7-9PM and Sunday, January 24th, 2-5PM and 7-9PM. A Funeral Liturgy will be held at Church of St. Andrew, Westwood, NJ on Monday at 10AM. Interment to follow at Calvary Cemetery, Woodside, NY. In lieu of flowers, donations to St. Francis Breadline, 135 W. 31st Street, New York, NY 10001 and/or Gallen Adult Day Care at The Jewish Home, 10 Link Drive, Rockleigh, NJ 07674 would be appreciated by her family.

Published in The Record and Herald News on January 22, 2010

Goodbye, Grandma. I love you.

I just finished reading Richard Dawkins’ latest gem, “The Greatest Show on Earth”. It’s a necessary book, as Dawkins himself points out, since something like 40% of Americans believe that the earth was created by a very productive entity in a week about 10,000 years ago. Today. They believe this, today.

I would encourage anyone who is even remotely curious about evolution to pick this up and read it. Dawkins is a wonderful writer, and in this particular book he distills his wealth of knowledge on the subject of evolution into a very readable volume.

I’ve had a problem with Genesis ever since it was first read to me in Sunday School (needless to say, I only lasted a couple weeks in Sunday School). Evolution, as hazily as I understood it from my trips to the Museum of Natural History in New York City as a kid, made a lot more sense. And as I took a couple of evolutionary biology classes last year at the University of Colorado, my (excellent) professor instilled a deep appreciation for the cellular-level machinery of this wonderful process.

This book explains much of what I learned in those two bio classes, and more. I had not previously heard of Lenski’s E. coli experiment, and in this book Dawkins gives a fantastic summary of the experiment and the findings. It makes you appreciate Darwin’s genius all the more — indeed, the entire book makes you appreciate Darwin’s genius.

Unfortunately Dawkins still can’t control himself in his shots at the creationists. I can’t say I blame him, but this book has the potential of being a game changer and it might have helped his cause by simply sticking to his lucid arguments and illustrations of the overwhelming evidence for evolution, as he does about 98% of the time throughout the book. But, as I said, I can’t say I blame him for the occasional shot.

In the end, this is an excellent and important book. As this is not a mystery novel or some other story, I believe sharing with you Dawkins’ final sentence is not a spoiler:

“We are surrounded by endless forms, most beautiful and most wonderful, and it is no accident, but the direct consequence of evolution by non-random natural selection — the only game in town, the greatest show on earth.”

Quite honestly, this sentence brought tears to my eyes when I considered all that it represents — and this book is a marvelous summary of that totality. Go get it. Read it.