From the information sheet on Emma’s latest cancer medication:

WARNING: Although this is a cancer medication, chlorambucil can cause another type of cancer…

Greaaaat. I wonder if the medication for the cancer that chlorambucil causes, causes cancer too? Round and round we go, Roche, Pfizer, Merck-Medco! Sheesh.

It’s Lymphoma; both the mediastinal kind and the alimentary kind. Stage IVb. And as we all know from Johnny Sack, there really is no Stage V. Emma’s in serious trouble.

Emma gets oral prednisone and IV fluids for the weekend, to hopefully keep her comfortable. Monday we see the vet in person to talk about the strategy going forward. Chemo is the only real treatment option. We’re probably gonna try it and see how she does on the crap, but survival rates with this cancer are fair to partly cloudy, even with good response to the chemotherapy.

My head is in a fog.

Welp, it looks like Emma’s probably got cancer.

Fluids were drained, things were biopsied. More tests underway; expecting results tomorrow or Saturday. Nothing to do between now and then but pet the cat.

Shit.

Well, we just returned from the vet, and our fears have been confirmed. Emma is at least in the beginning stages of kidney disease, and she may have cancer to boot. We’ve heard this crap before, and Emma’s always dodged the bullets, but white blood cell counts and BUN values don’t lie. The immediate order is for hydration, and so—armed with a large bag of lactated ringers and a fistful of syringes—I get to do my very best John Gage impersonation on Emma tonight as we try to gradually re-hydrate her in time for tomorrow’s scheduled ultrasound test. Hopefully the ultrasound will allow the vet to get a better look at both the kidneys as well as the mass the she feels in Emma’s gastrointestinal tract, see what that’s all about.

Emma ate quite a bit at the vet while we waited for results, and her first injection of fluids seems to be helping. So, it’s not the end of the road, but we do seem to be on that fuckin’ road. Now we need to find out how long a road it is. You just really never know. Kidney disease can be a long slow burn, so maybe she’s got plenty more quality time left. Monday, Emma’ll have a follow-up exam and we’ll get more results, and have more of a picture to look at. For the first time since she got diagnosed with hyperthyroidism three years ago, I find myself looking at Emma and wondering “how long”? It’s really a shitty mindset.

Three years today; three years since my dad died. And at this point, I’ve got mixed emotions. Today was also the final day of the Giro d’Italia and the penultimate episode of “The Sopranos”. Interesting.

You know what, dad kinda sucked as a father. I mean, he was a good guy, sorta, but looking back he was genuinely lousy at the whole dad thing. I have no doubt he loved my sister and I, but that doesn’t quite ink the deal. I could go on and on and on, but that’s really not going to change anything or bring him back for another try. He didn’t know how to do it, and I’m fairly certain I don’t either. But then that’s why I chose to not do the whole parenting thing.

Sorry for the crappy post, but that’s what’s on my mind right now.