Hi folks; asking for money. It’s not for me, it’s for the animals.

The Cliff’s Notes version:

Please go to http://boulderhumane.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=426416&lis=1&kntae426416=9A0E1659F700447AA908E0FFE5C7B2A8&supId=300361433 and pledge a few bucks for the effort next week. Even easier, text “PAWS” and “Robert Guglielmetti” to 50555 to donate $5 to my effort.

I am raising pledges for A Cause for Paws Doggie Dash on September 11th. Your support will help the Humane Society of Boulder Valley provide food, shelter, medical treatment and behavioral rehabilitation to animals in need. I’m not gonna pull a Sarah McLachlan on you and show you a bunch of doggie and kitty sad-eyes here, I’m just going to appeal to your greater sense of kindness and throw on a heaping dose of guilt. I was baptized as a Catholic, after all. That shit works.

Some of you may know that my beloved dog Hooper was sprung out of the Boulder Humane Society a few years ago, and he’s changed my life for the better. Our cat Ellie also did time there. In fact, there are a number of stories in my life that revolve around the Boulder Humane Society and the great people who work there. For example:

• We Look for a Dog
• We get a dog
• We reflect
• We get a cat
• We reflect, again

I found Hooper waiting for me as I clutched our dear departed cat Emma’s ashes in my left hand, having just picked them up there from our friend Elissa who is hard at work coordinating this very event I’m asking your for money for. This fund raising event is a great way to get together with all the other Crazy Dog People of Boulder and raise awareness and dollars for the joint, and for the dogs to have a good time. Mainly, it’s a way to help keep those doors open, not only to the strays and unwanted of Boulder County, but also to the victims of overcrowded shelters near and far.

So next weekend I’m gonna trot along for five kilometers and I’m hoping you can pledge a few bucks in support. My goal is $150 — not a lot of money, really, but enough to transfer one healthy dog to the Humane Society of Boulder Valley from an overpopulated community, which is exactly how Hooper & I came to know one another; Hooper was a transfer from an overcrowded shelter in Vernal, UT. Come on, that’s a good story, right?

How you can help:

• Visit http://boulderhumane.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=426416&lis=1&kntae426416=9A0E1659F700447AA908E0FFE5C7B2A8&supId=300361433 and pledge
• text “PAWS” and “Robert Guglielmetti” to 50555 to donate $5 to my effort

I hope you can help. Brenda’s doing this too (https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=426416&supId=181900100), with the same pledge goal. Help her, help me, help us both, whatever you can do. Thanks.

Emma was Brenda’s pet cat. Well, that’s what she started out as. Brenda got her shortly after the two of us got together, and Emma immediately spent much of her time showing her displeasure at having to share Brenda with me (especially the first year, when I was finishing school and Brenda often left Emma alone in her apartment while visiting me at school). But in those first few years after Brenda got her, I also took care of Emma during the summers when Brenda was off doing summer theatre gigs. I quickly became very attached to her, as, I believe, Emma got attached to me. We sorted each other out.

In total, the three of us went through almost eighteen years of life together, marking loads of residences, moments, anniversaries, milestones, memories. There’ll never be another cat like her, there’ll never be another Emma the Cat. She died, one year ago today.

Emma would never put up with another animal in the house, so/but for a very long and fun time, we were “stuck” with “just” Emma. And so shortly after Emma died, Hooper the Dog came into our lives, and in many ways I see my amazing experiences raising and learning about this dog as Emma’s last gift to us. I suppose Emma continues to live on in Hooper.

We also added another cat—Ellie—to our family last December, and while I haven’t written much about her on here yet she adds an extra layer of complexity to this weird little ride of adapting to life without Emma. She’s different, yet similar, to Emma. So it’s been fun and sad, exhilarating and disappointing, interesting and boring, to get accustomed to this new feline resident. More to come about her in the future, for sure.

But the main act tonight is Emma. I miss her still, always will.

I wanted to share with you one of my favorite Emma stories (more specifically, one of my favorites not already published on this website).

We had just moved from our first apartment in Hoboken, NJ, to a new, bigger, two bedroom place. It was hot—really hot—and humid. O.J. Simpson had beaten a murder rap that very day. We had paid professional movers to move our crap from Tenth and Park to Seventh and Willow Ave in Hoboken, and despite being spared the pain of dragging our stuff up five flights of stairs, we were still currently surrounded by boxes, brimming with Our Shit, swaddled in immense amounts of pro-grade, puffy and fluffy, bubble-wrap and puffy-paper.

Hours and hours after the movers had left, we were sweaty, tired, and painted into corners with our things and packing paper. Emma had been exploring the new digs with the careful stalk and active nose of a cougar in a new zoo. Emma jumped up on the microwave cart, currently in the middle of the kitchen, and—this is important—next to a recently-emptied box that was now the receptacle for all discarded packing materials, and began to walk around and eye the box adjacent. Three feet high, and loaded with puffy things, she began to show an unhealthy interest in the box.

“Brenda…” I silently gestured towards the scene that was unfolding.

Slowly, Emma walked to the edge of the cart and lowered her head toward the box, sniffing. She waved and poked a paw into the abyss, seeing that the paper would not hold her weight. But the curiosity was too great, and we watched her slowly try to walk on water, if you will, and fail miserably. She ended up doing a head-first dive into the box, disappearing instantly into the paper. We laughed, but the fun was just beginning. The box began to tremble, the papers churned and flew about, and eventually Emma exploded out from the paper, perched impossibly on the edge of the box, and then as the box began to fall over, she did a gainer off the edge of the box and shot like a bullet for the back bedroom, not to be seen for quite a while.

We laughed so hard, I can still recall how hard my sides hurt.

These are the memories I think of today. I’ll think of her all day today, and I’ll think of her at least a little bit, every day, forever.

After our heartbreaking experience at the shelter on Sunday, I woke up Monday to an email from my friend Elissa who works at the Humane Society; Emma’s ashes were ready to be picked up. So yesterday after work I headed back to the shelter, to pick up what was left of Emma in a little cardboard box. I instantly felt guilty about having been there the day before, to look for new animals while Emma still hadn’t been returned to us.

It sounds exceedingly corny, but I think we needed to wait for Emma to come home, to lead us to the next animal to care for.

I say this because with the little cardboard box cradled in my left hand, Elissa and I strolled down to the dog adoption area to see if anything new had arrived. Of course I knew some had, since I had the RSS feed for the Humane Society’s adoptable animals loaded in my feedreader and I had been keeping one eye trained on it all day. And that is why I knew that there was a little five month-old Labrador & Border Collie mix named Hooper milling around in there somewhere.

Didn’t take me long to find him, and it took even less time than that to fall in love with him. I went home, got Brenda and we went rocketing back to the Humane Society, where we petted little Hooper and immediately placed a hold on him. Having been neutered that day, we could not take him out of his kennel, so we came back today on my lunch break and spent some leash time with him, melted a little more, and decided to commit to this insane agreement to raise a dog. We’re looking forward to it, we are doing all we can to educate ourselves, and tomorrow when he comes home we’ll start the grand adventure.

This is not an impulse thing. Brenda & I have wanted a dog for a very long time, but living conditions and Emma’s independence had made that a non-option until now. We know these breeds are high-energy. We know we’ll be walking him four times a day. We know he will eat stuff he’s not supposed to, and crap it out the other end where he’s not supposed to. We know there’s a lot more to know and learn. But we’re ready to have a go at this. A crate is set up. Chew toys and kibbel are in da house. Tomorrow night, we bring Hooper home, and start thinking about his new name, but I have to say, Hooper—the name and the dog—is starting to grow on me already.

Emma is gone, and there isn’t a damned thing we can do about it. I miss her; there are a hundred things a day that remind me she’s gone: the ingrained look-down before I take a step, for fear of stepping on her; the look to the bathroom to make sure she’s there, before I close the closet door; the corner of the wall rubbed raw from her little chin. The howling emptiness of the spaces where her litter box was, and where her food and water bowls were.

It sucks.

We are working our way back.

A week and a half after putting Emma to sleep, Brenda & I find ourselves brimming over with energy, an unclaimed love that needs to be swallowed up by one or more new companions. The initial feeling is one of replacement, but that is wrong. Emma lived 17 years and had a great life, and despite our desire for her to live three to ten years more, she did not; we did what we could for her, she died peacefully, and we will carry the guilt of watching her die forever, nonetheless.

Now, it’s time to unload all this pent-up love on one or more new creatures, and it’s fraught with issues.

I love cats, but I also love dogs, and so does Brenda. Most of my life I lived in places unsuitable for dogs, but I managed to have my experience with both good and bad specimens. A Beagle who couldn’t be controlled, a Doberman who scared everyone but loved us all. But after that, it was cats for me, and I loved every one of them. Apartments are what they are, and one thing that that is is a good place for cats — not dogs. So I got used to the idea of cats. Emma ended up spending 17 years showing us how insignificant dogs were, but now that she’s gone we’re wanting that great big gigantic canine 24/7 problem more than ever.

And so we headed to the Boulder Humane Society today.

We’ve been trolling the websites for the last week or so, and today we headed to the Boulder Humane Society (with our friends Bill and Lauren) to see if there was a match. “Happy” the Plott Hound mix, was our chosen “possible match”. The damned thing bit my lip after 45 seconds of interaction, but we still spent an hour with her and walked her around a while. Brenda helped me realize this was not the animal for us. Bill and Lauren also came to a similar conclusion about the pup they tried out. Brenda & I spent a lot of time soaking in the emotions of the many cats housed there, as well. It was a heartbreaking way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

We’re more steeled than ever to get a dog, and have spent the bulk of this afternoon looking at the various shelter websites. We’re convinced that we’ll be good parents, but the questions abound. Do we get a dog, and, if so, do we get a little one or a big one? Do we get a cat at the same time, and if so, do we get a couple while we’re at it? If so, do we get a kitten and an old fart? a couple kittens??

We want to get it right the first time, and I can tell you I can’t endure a lot of trips to the shelter. I gotta go; lots of promising pups and kitties on the websites…

I have so, so many things to say about Emma, but for now I just wanted to share all the photos we’ve been looking at the past couple weeks. I’ve scanned a bunch of photos from the pre-digital years, and compiled a few other ditties from Emma’s “modern era”. I’ve uploaded them all to my Flickr site and created a photo album — or “set”, in Flickr parlance — for you to enjoy.

It’s pretty amazing to watch the evolution of this cat — and her owners — as she moved through her life. All told, Emma had nine different permanent addresses in three U.S. states, wore two different collars (both short-lived), endured and survived two apartment building fires, and received in excess of 300 toy mice as Christmas presents over her years. Looking at these photographs tells a great story; Brenda & I have looked at the slideshow of these pictures a million times over the last few days and they bring back so many memories of our relationship. I’ve added captions to many of the photos (and plan to add more in the coming days, as well as update the dates and location information) in the hope that you all can absorb just a little bit of what Emma meant to us.

Enjoy.

For those of you new to Flickr, I recommend you click the “view as slideshow” link that appears in the upper right corner of the page, and then hover your mouse cursor over the image that appears. You will see an icon with the letter I in the center of the photo; if you click that, the image titles and captions will appear overlaid on the photos. Then you can enjoy the show complete with commentary. There are tons of other ways to enjoy the Flickr content and please browse the site for more information on ways to do that.

She was loved, she was our child; she will be missed.

You spend sixteen years with someone, you learn to read signs. The funny thing is, your optimism also gets the better of you. And so, we’re playing that game now. Good moments are blown way out of proportion, bad moments are horrifyingly painful to watch—and quickly pushed back to the cobwebs of the brain.

Spent half the day at the vet today. It’s the same old shit, same conversations I had three years ago regarding my father. The word “disease” being said far too frequently. Emma’s not doing so well.

From the information sheet on Emma’s latest cancer medication:

WARNING: Although this is a cancer medication, chlorambucil can cause another type of cancer…

Greaaaat. I wonder if the medication for the cancer that chlorambucil causes, causes cancer too? Round and round we go, Roche, Pfizer, Merck-Medco! Sheesh.

So, the harsh reality is that Emma’s cancer is so progressed, she’s not ever gonna beat this. We discussed our various options with the vet today, and have decided to continue with the Prednisone and she got a shot of something else today too, some Elspar-something-or-other. IV fluids and “Pred” are the plan of attack. We’re essentially opting for the junior varsity squad; the other, more aggressive options carried too many negatives for us. Heart risks with one protocol, bone marrow issues with another, and all of them would require Emma to take a ride to the vet on a weekly basis for shots and probing and general unpleasantness.

And, all of them end with Emma dying anyway.

Lymphoma in cats is often classified by the anatomical location where the cancer is found and whether the cancer is lymphocytic or lymphoblastic. Lymphocytic lymphoma is a cancer of mature lymphocytes and is a much less aggressive form of the disease. Lymphoblastic lymphoma is a cancer of the lymphoblasts and is a rapidly progressive form of lymphoma…

Guess which kind Emma has?

We’ve accepted that this is happening to her, and we believe that the best thing for her is to be here at home, even if that means that she’s got less time. Feeding her highly poisonous chemo would keep her here for six months, tops. We’ve been told to halve that estimate, by going with the less invasive/abusive method we’ve selected. And I guess we’re ok with that. As always with cancer, we’ll just have to wait and see.

It’s Lymphoma; both the mediastinal kind and the alimentary kind. Stage IVb. And as we all know from Johnny Sack, there really is no Stage V. Emma’s in serious trouble.

Emma gets oral prednisone and IV fluids for the weekend, to hopefully keep her comfortable. Monday we see the vet in person to talk about the strategy going forward. Chemo is the only real treatment option. We’re probably gonna try it and see how she does on the crap, but survival rates with this cancer are fair to partly cloudy, even with good response to the chemotherapy.

My head is in a fog.