My preferred candidates are already out of the race or are still languishing under the boot of Big Media so no one even knows who they are (Dodd’s out? Dodd who?). I find myself wanting to comment on the race, and then again I like my blood pressure where it’s at currently. So I simply offer the lyrics of this song, written by Ian MacKaye, as we march on toward November hoping for the best and expecting the worst.

“Everybody Knows”
The Evens

You arrive with empty duffel bags, hungry eyed
You looked around taking measurements to move inside
The capital it is your proving ground, your centering
You and yours can keep your scores, but Washington is our city

Everybody knows you are a liar
Everybody knows you are a liar
Everybody knows you are a liar
Everybody knows you are a liar

Too much technique with no texture below
You fabricated your way in here and everybody knows

Everybody knows you are a liar
Everybody knows you are a liar
Everybody knows you are a liar
Everybody knows you are a liar

Too many distractions just obscure what should be shown
Stop with the abracadabra ‘cause everybody knows

You return via machinery and public lies
You broke to break, you’re breaking everything, it’s no surprise
The capital it is your playground now, your center ring
You and yours can keep your scores, Washington is our city

You and yours and all your wars have run your last campaign
You’re fired from a job you never should have had
That hideous strength absolutely sinks
You better watch your back

Let the door hit you on the ass

A while back I posted a tearful tribute, in song, to my dear departed TiVo. I still don’t know what happened to it, but it was an old Series 2 with the “40 Hour” capacity. She served her owners proud for almost four years, and I decided it would be cheaper and certainly faster to replace it with a new box rather than try to fix old blue. The “80 hour” Series 2 TiVos are now yesterday’s news, and apparently there was a big promotion through TiVo’s website recently so there was a glut of those babies available on eBay. After losing several auctions by a buck, I finally scored one for eighty bucks and the seller was nice enough to ship it to me via FedEx.

The fun stopped there.

Actually, it wasn’t so bad, but I was forced to read a lot of idiotic posts in various TiVo user forums trying to get to the bottom of my concerns about doing a fresh setup on my new TiVo, and thought I’d throw this up here for anyone in the same boat; hopefully I’ll save someone a few hours.

Here’s the deal: most of the older TiVos (certainly all the Series 1s and many of the early Series 2s) required you to do the initial setup of a new TiVo over a landline telephone. This was not a problem four years ago for me, but I have since dumped my copper landline because among other things Quest is a horrible company run by crooks. Anyway, suffice to say I had no landline in the house. My old TiVo had since been upgraded to connect to the TiVo service over my wireless internet connection, but as I mentioned the initial setup is supposed to be done with a landline.

So I started surfing around, found quite a number of posts claiming that you can do this, and the posts were for the most part incoherent and loaded with all kinds of special dialing prefix codes you were supposed to enter, etc. Every post seemed to say something different. Frustrated but hopeful, I saved a few of the tips and hooked up the new box. And the cursing began.

At first, I thought it would be easy, as I had a menu option to use the internet to connect, but every time I tried logging in to my router I was denied access. I eventually turned off all encryption and broadcast the SSID again, to make it as open as I could. My router would show up, I could feed it a password, but then it would say it couldn’t find the DNS server. This same router is providing IP addresses to my laptop and Brenda’s laptop, so this struck me as odd. Some more cursing ensued.

Out of desperation, I even bought a USB wired network adapter and tried it that way, mistakenly believing the advice from some lunatic in one of the TiVo forums. When that didn’t work either, I finally tried my last resort, last-ditch, house-is-on-fire, plane’s-goin’-down option: I called tech support, something Brenda had suggested I do a couple days earlier.

Surprisingly, they were very helpful and were able to confirm that I had version 7.2 of the TiVo software pre-installed from the factory, and that this version does indeed support connecting to the TiVo service and performing the initial setup over an internet connection. Bolstered with that knowledge, I tried once more to connect, but with no luck. Same error, couldn’t find the DNS server that I knew to be functioning. But now, armed with the knowledge that this was supposed to work, I simply roamed around and found an open wireless router that one of my neighbors had set up, and I was in in five seconds. It seems that I often assume the worst about a situation and when I do, I overcomplicate the planned “solution”. Had I poked around the airwaves for an open router the first night, this would have all been over with in a very short time. Oh well.

Connected to my neighbor’s router, TiVo was able to phone home and get itself all configured. A day or two later, TiVo had performed an upgrade to the latest software version (v9.??) and I once again tried to connect to my own router, and this time it worked! I re-enabled WPA encryption and it still works! We are now scrolling through pages and pages of movies owing to the doubled hard drive space and the fact that all the old stuff I had saved on my old TiVo is now gone forever.

Long story short, if your new Series 2 TiVo is giving you a lot of guff about connecting to your router, try yer neighbor’s, let TiVo upgrade itself, and then try again on your own LAN. Happy surfing.

I’m so distraught, I put it into song:

The Night the TiVo Died
(sung to the tune of Paper Lace’s “The Night Chicago Died”)

In the chill of a winter’s night
In the land of the yoga hippies
When Rob & Brenda’s TiVo died
And they talk about it still

When Rob arrived home from work
Brenda displayed a nervous quirk
She said “I have some bad news”
And then she gestured towards the tube

We heard Robbie cry
We heard him pray the night the TiVo died
Brother what a night it really was
Brother what a plight it really was
Live TV

We heard Robbie cry
We heard him pray the night the TiVo died
Brother what a night the people saw
Live TV and no pause
Yes indeed

And the box it would not light
What’s happened to the shows
And Rob considered his plight
And said “this really, really blows”

We heard Robbie cry
We heard him pray the night the TiVo died
Gonna miss stuff when I pee
Maybe it’s time we got HDTV
Glory Be…

Seriously; after almost four years, the damned thing just took a shit on us, and I’m now looking for the next thing to replace it.

Well, my silly little piece on “green” email signatures is in the news again, this time in the L.A. Times. When I wrote that, it was cathartic because I was so frustrated by a particular co-worker and his sanctimonious ways, and his mindless insistence that we all preach to our clients this message that I felt went without saying. Who knew it would become the single most popular post on my website and the source for two newspaper articles on green email signatures (and a television interview that as far as I know landed on the cutting room floor)?

Of course the fact that I work in sustainable design and live in left-leaning Boulder Colorado made my frowny post on green email signatures the perfect ammo for conservative papers like the Wall Street Journal and the L.A. Times—here was a guy who supposedly cared about the environment and even he is saying these signatures are stupid! Co-workers (and strangers reaching me through my website) have accused me of being a hipocrit (sic), but I think they miss the point. These whiny, sniveling exhortations to “please consider the environment” make you look exactly like the stereotype the Fox News windbags are trying to perpetuate. I’m not playing along, and you shouldn’t either. Save that unbridled environmental enthusiasm for flipping the bird at the next Hummer you see.

Vino cracks, loses a half hour in the hills; his Tour is over. Next day, Vino takes a stage win in convincing fashion, thrills the fans.

Hmmm…

Son of a bitch, Vinokourov tested positive. The fuckin’ idiot doped during the Tour de France, testing positive and getting his whole team kicked out of the Tour with less than a week to go, taking teammate Andreas Kloden—sitting pretty in fifth position—with him. If I were Andreas, I’d be pissed, but then maybe I’d be hoping I didn’t get my ass caught too, since I’d be on the Astana team, a horrid joke of a doping conclave. Let’s not forget that this was the gang of idiots that couldn’t even field a goddamned team for last year’s tour, since half the team was under suspicion of doping by association with Dr. Fuentes. Oh yeah, and if you’re enjoying watching Alberto Contador lighting up the road this year, and maybe catching a case of smug satisfaction watching him toy with Rassmussen (the other big doping story of the ‘07 tour) on the Pyrenees, don’t forget he too was on Astana last year.

Man, this just sucks. Roid Landis invalidated his Stage 17 comeback last year, and after 12 months of discussion about doping and how cycling needs to clean up its act, and the cycling press really handing it to the dopers and suspected dopers, we’re back in the same pile of shit this year.

The thing that really pisses me off is the smug reaction from colleagues and the mainstream media who look at cycling like it’s a circus. I mean, it is, but being a football fan and looking down your nose at professional cyclists is like being a catholic and looking down your nose at child molesters.

Are they all doing it? No way. But I’d say most are. Still. And that’s what I find really sad. But I can tell you this: I can’t wait for tomorrow’s last stage in the Pyrenees. It’s a great sport, filled with skill, danger, speed and pain. And I enjoy the contests and the scenery. And, P.S., the other sports have the same problem, but better unions, so shut up and enjoy the rest of the Tour.

Yeah so last week I wrote a post that purported to be about a cool cruiser bike, but was really a platform for me to bitch about a local bike ride that I felt had fallen into a sad display of Boulder elitism. I railed against these people and their policy of requiring costumes and cruisers on the ride. Since that time, some of the people I was complaining about found my little rant, and posted some seemingly witty retorts; what they really did was show their true colors. Meanwhile, several other bastions of the true spirit of the ride emailed me off-line and showed me the seamy underbelly of the Boulder bikeride/cruiser/chill/hangout groove, and as you might expect, it ain’t pretty.

In the process, I got my shit straightened out. The good news is, the cruiser ride is dead. The better news is, the ride(s) live on.

Here’s the thing: The so-called “Boulder Cruiser Ride”, or “Happy Thursday Ride”, or whatever you want to call it, had exploded in popularity last year and a lot of the people who showed up were wasted college- and high school-kids who were only there to get fucked up (just like the rest of us). But there were too many of them and they kinda sucked at riding and they kinda had no appreciation for bikes, so they sorta sucked and had to go. I agree. But it became the opinion of some of the regulars that anyone showing up for the ride without a cruiser bike, or not in costume—a silly, silly habit of some of the regulars—should not be allowed to ride. Which I disagreed with. I said as much on the happy_thursday Yahoo list—that purported to be the mouthpiece for the ride but is in fact an odd collection of people that I have long since unsubscribed to—and got slammed for saying so. So I quietly bailed from the whole sad thing.

And then last week I saw a cool cruiser on a website while surfing one night and blogged about it, and I guess my little post devolved into a rant about the shitty attitude of what I perceived to be the consensus of the “Boulder Cruiser Ride” attendants. Turns out the ride was ruined by a bunch of hypocritical assholes who drive their SUVs in to Boulder from outlying towns to ride, and have taken over the long-standing ride tradition to serve their own egos and idiotic goals, ultimately leading to the ride being published in the local newspaper and the attendant rise in attendance which led to the problems that led to its demise. And I got flamed for complaining about that.

The best thing about all of that is that some of the very best people involved in the old Boulder Cruiser Ride have contacted me off-list and explained how my off-the-handle rant was out of line; it’s a good reason to have a website and an opinion. I’ve learned that with regard to the so-called “Happy Thursday Ride”, a few bad apples have fucked the entire batch.

The Boulder Cruiser Ride is no longer, but it’s all good, as we say. There are now several factions of people riding bikes around Boulder on Thursday nights; some of them are into bikes and bike culture, and some of them are egomaniacs with agendas—and there are loads of people in between. So I plan on venturing out this week and enjoying the benefits of evolution. I already know where the cool ride leaves from.

I must have one of these! The Ellsworth “The Ride” is the coolest cruiser bike ever, and I am now accepting donations towards the purchase of one of these bad boys. And I promise to ride it around Boulder and not be an elitist asshole like the local “Boulder Cruiser Bikeride” jerkoffs who have taken their little (formerly large) ride underground (sort-of) and excluded all people who show up on non-cruiser bikes or not in costume (and, let’s face it, costumes are, like, totally stupid, even on Halloween).

I realize I have not given sufficient back story on the Boulder Cruiser Ride, but I guess those assholes never gave me enough good times to do so. And now you have to have a cruiser and a costume to be allowed into their little drum circle, so I guess I’ll never get enough material to fill you in. Suffice to say, the Boulder Cruiser Ride has become another bad example of Boulder Elitism, and I now live to hurl insults at the entire rolling jerkoff assemblage. (They’re not all bad, as it turns out.)

Meanwhile, I am still accepting donations for an Ellsworth “The Ride” cruiser, so I can cruise in non-pretentious glee.

There’s an old joke that goes like this:

Q: What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A good start.

And this schmuck is why that joke exists:

Read: Tearful Testimony in $54 Million Pants Lawsuit

The guy wants $54M for a pair of lost pants, and he’s so upset about it that he broke down in tears as he questioned himself on the stand about his ordeal. Yes, you read that correctly. You have to love the author of the news story; clearly he was having a ball with this one. Best line: “The business owners claim they have his pants, but he’s pressing ahead with his suit.” Ba-dum, PISH!

So, after eight absolutely fantastic fucking seasons, The Sopranos run has come to an end. The finale was a mixed bag, and the salt in the wound is that the lame-ish ending is followed by the premiere of a fucking surfer show.

The Sopranos has entertained me on so many levels it will take much more than a blog post at this hour to explain it. Suffice to say, the lingo brings back memories of my youth and my quote database is proof of that. The first time Brenda & I watched the show we were in a hotel room with HBO and after 15 seconds of the opening sequence, where Tony drives through the Lincoln Tunnel, past the Hoboken exit, and then onto the NJ Turnpike and past the oil tanks in Linden (Drive Safely!), we were hooked. The show went on to document the North Jersey Italian-American experience, and I’m not (just) talking about the mob shit, I’m talking about the manigoot (manicotti). The lingo, the mores, the food, the clothes: when I watched The Sopranos it was like a visit to Aunt Mary’s house; the only thing missing was the pinch on the cheek.

But you can’t run a crew these days without some strife, and Tony made his bed, sure as shit. So after last week’s mayhem we were on the edge of our seats for the finale tonight. I haven’t been this upset since the end of N.Y.P.D. Blue, but Brenda & I pulled up a chair and dutifully watched the end of what is probably the greatest TV Show Ever tonight, and had a good time with it.

The finale was a mixed bag. (Spoiler alert, whatever…) Phil Leotardo’s demise was great theatre, and that cocksucker got what he fucking deserved. But the fake foreshadowing with A.J. was very annoying. When his car caught on fire I thought for sure he was caught in the crosshairs, and was gonna be the victim of a car bomb. But, no. When he started driving the BMW and backed up to the camera sporting a NJ license plate with the letters “RDX”, I thought for sure he was going out in a blaze of glory. But, no. Vague talk of indictments on the way led us to a final scene at a diner with a shifty patron headed to the bathroom and we have to assume he didn’t come outta there with just his dick in his hand. As Meadow heads for the door of the diner, some black dudes enter, another reminder of the gas station scene where Phil’s head goes out like a grape, aaaaannnnnd, scene.

Scene! Not even fade to black, just black. Black, credits, that’s it, thanks for coming, motherfuckers.

Draw your own conclusions, I have mine. Bottom line, The Sopranos is over, one way or another, end of story.

Fuck.

P.S.
I realize David Milch is behind the new series “John from Cincinnati”, which is being groomed as the Sopranos replacement. Milch is the genius behind N.Y.P.D. Blue, my last TV tragedy. But I’m thinking that “Entourage” and “The Wire” have more of a chance of retaining my HBO subscription money than this new surfer bullshit (that I’m about to watch).

P.P.S.
Is Frank Vincent like not the most typecast tragic mob guy in all of mob cinema?! Like gosh! And I even saw “Ten Benny”, so I know what the fuck I’m talking about.

The latest evidence of Outlook’s suck-osity (right-click and select “view image” to see at full resolution):