A New Low


They've done it again; just when you thought you were fully Boulder Whole Foods Battle Hardened, these people manage to redefine solipsism. Lemme tell ya what happened. The other day I'm in the BWF, and I roll up to a cashier with my basket. The cashier was just finishing up with the customer ahead of me, counting change, asking if she wanted her receipt, etc. Meanwhile, I started unloading the items from my basket onto the conveyor belt. As the cashier was done with the previous customer, she turned to me and started scanning my items, and she goes: "Thanks for unloading your basket." Say fucking what?! After doing a Lewis Black-style head shake, I begged for clarification. "Do you…

Continue Reading

The Problem with Whole Foods


It's not that it's always crowded, it's not the hypocrisy of their touting sustainability while selling Chilean Tomatoes in the Garden State, it's not the fact that they charge five clams for a tomato and cheese sandwich. The real problem with Whole Foods, at least here at the Boulder branch, is that the entire joint is crawling with two kinds of people, both of whom are irritating to the point that they give me a headache. On the one hand, you have these self-absorbed health nuts wandering the aisles in their Patagonia walking pants and their Crocs and their hydration packs, zipping to and fro, stopping short at every goddamned free sample hawker (of which there are too many crowding…

Continue Reading