<p>Paris Hilton is rich. Heir to hundreds of millions of dollars, she’s got it made. Her naked body has also been observed by millions of people by now, jostling playfully on a hotel bed, engaged in a fairly lame sexual romp with her then-boyfriend.</p> <p>When this story broke a few weeks ago, the internet probably lit up like a christmas tree as millions of people bludgeoned Google with searches like “Paris Hilton sex tape” (and right there to back that up were zillions of porn site hosts advertising that they had the “exclusive” clip). Why all the interest? I’ll tell you why; jealousy. We’re all jealous of the haves. This chick doesn’t have to work a day in her life, and we do, so we are jealous. But I really just couldn’t have cared about watching a crappy video of some rich girl having sex. This is America, after all. Porn is everyplace.</p> <p>When <a href="http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/thedailyshowwithjonstewart/">Jon Stewart</a> joked about the clip a couple weeks ago, you just KNEW he’d seen it. I began to wonder, how many people HAD gone off In Search Of Paris? </p> <p>Then Ms. Hilton herself appeared in a clip the other day, on Lewis Black’s segment. She was buying a purse. Dialog follows:<br />
Paris: “How much is this (giggle)?
Paris: “Fifteen hundred? I’ll take it. (giggle).
<p>Fifteen hundred bucks for a purse, and all fifteen hundred bucks just handed to her by the family. That was it, I was off to the internet, that clearing house of porn, looking for the clip. I just had to feel superior, if only for two minutes and fifty few seconds. If you can’t beat ‘em, watch ‘em having sex.</p> <p>No, I will not send you the clip. Learn how to use usenet, for chrissakes. Besides, I deleted it already anyway.</p> <p>However, I submit <a href="http://www.observer.com/pages/story.asp?ID=8183">this</a>, the funniest piece I have found online about this whole debacle. And then there’s <A href="http://www.kottke.org/03/11/paris-hilton-sex-tape">this</a>, and <a href="http://www.bobfromaccounting.com/bunsen/column11_14.html">this</a> too. Enjoy.</p> <p>I hope her show bombs, but I know that’s not how this country works. Excuse me, but Paris Hilton is not qualified to appear in anything that purports to be based on reality. (giggle)</p>