Last night, I got to use another fun feature of our new TiVo. I got to replay all of the outrageous statements made by President Shrub last night, during his State of the Union Address. Oh, there were the usual mistakes, like calling nuclear weapons “nook-you-luhr” weapons, etc. But my favorite was when he had trouble with the three-syllable word “department” (as in Department of Homeland Security), rolling right over it and blurting out “uh, partment”. Tom Ridge furrowed his brow, understandably so. He thought his office just got relocated to a housing project in the D.C. slums.

“What did he just say? Apartment of Homeland Security?” “Sounded like it.” TiVo delivered the instant replay, for confirmation. Oh, how we laughed.

But joy was rapidly replaced with rage once again, as we sat there and listened to lie after lie, spin after spin. The No Child Left Behind act won’t work because this administration has cut all the funding for it. The WMD that Powell showed me at the UN Circus last spring have morphed into “dozens of weapons of mass destruction-related program activities and significant amounts of equipment”. In other words, nada.

He went on and on farther into the night, lying and invoking the name of the big man upstairs, as if we’re all supposed to believe Dubya’s squared this all with god. I don’t. The happy TV lady then issued a bland report of what we just sat through, followed with the Official Applause Count: the number of times we had to sit through the Groom’s Side raucus applause while the Bride’s Side of the room looked like a wake. The official count? 69. Oh, the irony!

Sadly, Ms. Pelosi’s deer-in-headlights performance during the Dem’s rebuttal was also a pathetic display of ineffective discourse. But she’s not running for President, John Kerry is.

People, please read this book, (better yet, read Molly Ivins’ column frequently), follow the money, and then vote accordingly in November.