VVVVVVROOOOMMMM!!... VVVVROOOOOMMMM!!... ”...and Waltrip’s making a move…” VVVVROOOMMMM!!...


”...don’t forget race fans, Tide gets the stains out, Hummers rule, and if you’re not drinkin’ a Budweiser, you might as well be wearin’ a dress.”

VVVROOOMMM!!... VVVROOOMMM!!... (BUZzzzzz…) “DANG IT!!!!!!” (sound of the one good screen door hinge creaking in agony, then:)

(buzzzz…) chick-chick-BLAM!! (bzzzzz…) chick-chick-BLAM!! (bzzzz…) chick-chick-BLAM! (boom! bzzzz…)

“Heh heh, I got ‘im!” (shaking fist, spilling Coors Light all over himself) “That’ll learn ya!”

This faithful re-enactment of a stupid white person with gun moment was brought to you by Maker’s Mark whiskey, because it took me several belts of the stuff to finally be able to sit down and write about this colossal act of stupidity.

Anthony Gene Moore got pissed, and then got pissed about a light plane flying nearby earning a living—it “was annoying him”—and decided the proper thing to do would be to begin firing a rifle at the airplane.

He hit the plane three times (nice shootin’!); twice the bullets passed harmlessly through the wing, but one bullet hit the battery, causing it to explode, or “blow up real good”. The pilot landed without incident, and told authorities about the location of the festivities directed towards him, and Mister Moore was swiftly greeted by the Lenoir County Sheriff’s Department’s finest.

I hope Mr. Moore gets the maximum penalty for his crime and has to listen to the O’Franken Factor during his entire six month sentence, which by the way is far too light a penalty for FIRING A WEAPON AT A MAN TRYING TO DO HIS JOB, for chrissakes.

Attention all Lenoir County area pilots: Moore is currently being held at the Craven Correctional Institute. Can you think of a better place for a continuous buzz-job than the Craven Correctional Institute?