Washington, DC
November 3, 2004

John Ashcroft today announced that all American citizens are to refer to President Bush as “Mr. President”, eschewing the use of the word ‘bush’, due to its lewd sexual connotation. He also made the following statement to the American people:

Go back to bed now, sleepyheads. Sleep tight, America. You’ve done Karl Rove proud. Go back to sleep now, and don’t pay any attention to anything until we tell you to do so. Shhhh, sleep. Sleep.